Hi everyone,
I just read this fantastic article in the current Good Health magazine and it has some really inspirational advice that I thought was worth sharing - so many of my friends (and myself included) deal with these issues and I thought this may help offer another perspective on things :)
The article is called Reach Your Goals and was written by Angela Donaldson, with advice from Dr John F. Demartini, human behavioural specialist (that sounds like such an interesting career!).
Here's a summary:
"Every individual lives by a set of priorities or values, things that are most important in their life. All our perceptions and decisions are based on these values." The reason we don't succeed in achieving our goals is that they are not aligned with these values. We often set regular goals that are unachievable and damaging, because we end up being hard on ourselves for failing.
'I should...'
- Any time you hear yourself saying that you 'should' achieve a certain goal, it's not you talking. A 'should' is somebody else's value that has been forced into your life.
- People who live with 'shoulds' can end up with health problems because it's not their own agenda they're working towards. They've got the brake on instead of pressing the accelerator.
- You will recognise your highest values because there are no 'shoulds' about doing them. You don't need outside motivation to achieve them and you can always find energy to do them. This is because they are inspired from within.
- You only need outside motivation when the goals you set come from a 'should', or if they're goals that are low on your list of values and priorities.
- The life you are already living is the biggest indicator of your true values. So, if you say you really want to get fit but, on closer inspection, see that you don't do a scrap of exercise, then it's not among your highest values and it probably won't happen.
When you set goals according to your highest priorities, you'll be rewarded with more energy, vitality, confidence, certainty and purpose.
"You'll be doing what you love, you'll be inspired by your life, work more efficiently and give yourself permission to delegate items low on your priorities list, so you can get on with top priorities."
You can change your values..
..but you need to assign a massive list of benefits to that value. When you associate a benefit with a value or goal, the value will move up the list. We're motivated by rewards and if you can't come up with a big list, then it probably means you don't have the drive to do it.
"Quite simply, you feel you have better things to do!"
Anyway.. that's the main body of the article, the next section helps you work out what you value by asking 12 questions and writing down your top three answers for each. Then you group your answers into similar categories and are left with about four to seven main priorities - the primary values you live your life by. Then you just set your goals to match those values and you'll be on your way to honest fulfillment!
Here are the questions.. and my answers. Give it a go for yourself :)
1. How do you fill your space?
Looking around my room and the areas I spend most of my time..
- creative supplies and books/articles (art, sewing, etc)
- my PC is full of links to self-improvement articles (health, pyschology, etc)
- books/articles/documents about business
2. How do you spend your time? (aka, what do you always make time for)
- looking after Jasmine
- chatting, blogging and reading forums online (social interaction)
- aikido and the gym (exercise)
- family time at nights, watching a show/movie (family)
3. How do you spend your energy? (on activities that energise you, not leave you feeling drained)
- aikido and the gym
- sewing and other creative activities
- stimulating my mind through good conversation or reading helpful articles
4. How do you spend your money?
- fabric, patterns, creative supplies
- things for making my home better
- toys and clothes for Jas and Ben (and me!)
5. Where are you most organised and ordered?
- haha.. in my head? I like to think about being organised - I like to organise others! jk :)
- at work! I'm always very organised in a business setting
- my fabric and pattern stash is pretty organised, I keep at it.. though Jas keeps pulling it out.
- my computer is actually pretty organised, all my links categorised and folders sorted (never used to be this way! but since I use it a lot, I've been improving :)
as a side note, I'm less organised when it comes to my clothes and a routine for cleaning
6. Where are you most disciplined, reliable and focused?
- in business matters (at work or with my own endeavours)
- at aikido or martial arts
- when it comes to loving my friends/family and being a good hostess
7. What dominates your thinking?
- thinking about self-improvement (how to have a more organised, beautiful and happy home, how to improve my health, understanding human behaviour/psychology in order to improve my own)
- thinking about how to run a successful business (I like analysing things and finding ways to make them better)
- thinking about how to improve the lives of other people, especially family and friends
8. What do you visualise and dream about that is becoming a reality?
- having a baby :) I did it! now it's just about giving her the best life possible
- having a place where I belong - a happy home, good friends, my hobbies etc
- starting a business and making it successful (though I'd get the same satisfaction from improving a company that I believe in - what I want most is to create an environment with a business that thrives and employees that are happy and productive and love their job and can go home to their families at the end of the day without being consumed by stress)
9. What do you talk to yourself about? (what ideas are you constantly telling yourself you would like to persue)
- being absolutely, romantically, crazy in love (it's just taken a hit from having a baby, don't get so much time alone to develop intimacy with your partner.. just thought I better be honest here!)
- improving my self-esteem and the benefits of it (feeling more secure, confident, attractive, talented, capable, etc)
- running a successful business
- having a beautiful, organised home (what you chose to surround yourself with is a reflection of the state of your mind - it feels good to be clean and organised and in a beautiful environment and happiness should come from your home)
10. What do you talk to others about?
- Jasmine
- Hobbies like sewing and martial arts
- Self-improvement
11. What is it that inspires you and has consistently inspired you?
- Having stimulating, intelligent conversation with like-minded people in regards to any of my interests - parenting, human behaviour, sewing/craft, martial arts, budgeting, cooking, organising - basically anything you can learn something new about. All of the things I can think about here are related to just living a happier life and being a better person.
12. What are your longest held goals?
- I'd like to run a successful business - it doesn't have to be my own, but I do have to have to feel some ownership about it. I want the ability to influence and manage the success of the business, and the positive environment it offers employees - I guess I love looking after 'my people' and seeing them happy, it's really rewarding and by having a good business, it means the ability to provide them a bit of security.
- Having a loving family (and loving friends too)
- Be healthy, fit, organised, etc - just being the most positive version of myself that I can be and always keep learning.
The results? My values and goals:
I think the pattern that has emerged in my answers reveals that my highest values are:
- fostering a loving, supportive network of friends and family
- continuous self-improvement and learning
- creating beautiful, functional environments (even through making tangible assets myself)
Feel free to link them here - it's inspiring and clarifying!
Thanks for reading :)
